Don't Judge Me!

Hey kids! This is your favourite self-harming muppet teaching you the only alphabet you need to know, ever. It's the Emo-bet! The ultimate pre-school self mutilation guide. Sing along with me now kids...

A is angst. The perfect reason to be the way you are.
B is for bullet. The perfect valentine’s gift.
C is for cut. Every great Emo does this. Lots.
D is for depressed. You wish you were dead.
E is for everyone. See letter ‘H’
F is for fuck you. An essential term for your vocabulary. See how deep you are?
G is for gay. You’re not gay. You’re bi.
H is for hate. See letter ‘E’
I is for insecure. Every Emo is insecure. Nobody knows why. Maybe because you’re ugly.
J is for jugular. Leave this well alone. If you cut it you will actually die. You don’t want that, do you?
K is for kutting. To sound kewl.
L is for liked. I liked you once last year. I wrote a song about it.
M is for Myspace. You MUST have a Myspace account. Possibly two so you can pretend you’re a bisexual girl.
N is for need. You don’t need anybody.
O is for oxygen. You don’t need it, you’re constantly suffocating, therefore you’re used to it.
P is for pierce. Do this to as many square inches of your face as possible.
Q is for Quasimodo. The grandfather of Emo.
R is for ramification. One of the big words you use in your poetry that you don’t understand.
S is for suicide. Emos need suicide to survive.
T is for tear. I’ll send you a tear in the mail everyday.
U is for unwanted. You are and you always will be. Nobody understands you and they’re not near deep enough to understand your beautiful poetry.
V is for vampire. Your image had to come from somewhere you know.
W is for wish. I wish you were dead.
X is for Xtreme. You kissed a guy once that you didn’t even know. Chances are, you are a guy.
Y is for “Y dont u lyk me?” Rule of thumb, you can’t spell.
Z is for Zebra. You’re soul is black with white stripes. You hate White Stripes. And your soul. Your blackened soul.